Daily(ish) Dose of Poetry #5

**Please Note that this poem might not be suitable for everyone. It contains the following sensitive subjects: suicidal ideation and depression. **

I Wrote Them Today-

 

You don’t know this, but I wrote my suicide note today.

I wrote it while I was sitting on the couch in the green room.

I wrote several, there’s one for you, A, and M.

There’s one for my bestie from Cali.

There’s one for my mom and dad.

There’s one for the president.

There’s one for my sister.

I wrote my suicide notes while I was happy.

I wrote them so that you would feel good vibes while reading it.

I wrote them without intent.

I won’t do this to you today, tomorrow, or the next day.

But it’s always on my mind.

I try to stay happy around you.

I know that sometimes it works.

You believe me.

But I know that you can feel the underlying tension in my laugh, my smile, my heart.

I know that you see me as I slowly stop eating.

You see me losing interest in my life.

I know you get frustrated with me but I don’t mean to hurt you.

I wrote my suicide note today and I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you.

I wrote them because I didn’t know if I would have time before I lost my sense of literacy

I wrote them because you need to know.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

Goodbye.

 

They are in my red journal. They are always with me.

I wrote them on December 9th.

I wrote them with you beside me.

A few days later, you were furious with me.

I reread your letter.

I knew that when you read it you would start to cry.

I almost tore it out.

But I needed you out of everyone to read it.

So it’s still there.

Wrapped in red.

I wrote my suicide note today, in the hopes that I’ll soon be dead.

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